Potholes and Be donk a donks!

Growing up our road looked a lot like this one, minus the snow of course. Actually, the pot hole black topped portion of the road was the good part. Once you got to the last half before you got to our house, the second to the last on the long country road, was a dirt or dust road. And when it rained there were washboards and pot holes galore until one of the neighbors that had the right tools got out and grated the road. My Mom can clarify why, but all I remember was that their was politics surrounding why the county wouldn't maintain the road. I remember some of our funniest memories growing up was voting on who had the craziest driving skills trying to miss potholes. Mom or Dad? Personally, I think Dad missed the most but was the craziest of the drivers. He'd yell at Mom, "watch out", when a particularly large one would come looming out from around a curve and Mom would swerve almost landing us in a tree to miss it. There was no ditch. If you were going to fast on the washboards the car would do more than rattle. And if it was really muddy we felt like we were in a 4 wheeler slish sloshing around. People were constantly heckling my Dad, writing on the back window of our van, "wash me!". My poor Dad did wash it constantly, but it was a hopeless cause. If it was dry the van or car or truck would be covered in a layer of dust. If it was wet a layer of mud. I hated it when it would rain as a teenager because invariably some part of my clothing would accidentally brush up against some muddy portion messing up my clothes. Which was catastrophic to a teenage girl.
This last year in the area surrounding our old neighborhood many roads developed potholes with the heat expanding the concrete in the roads. Our neighborhood had also put in speed bumps to keep down the speeders cutting through our neighborhood in the morning. As we would drive around my husband would keep the kids in stitches by yelling, "wait for it, wait for it..." and as we went over the bump or pothole, "be donk a donk". Every time we venture back for a visit, we invariably end up playing the same game.
As I pondered these experiences, I thought about how we deal with the potholes in our own lives. Like the road I grew up on as a child, life is riddled with potholes. We can't make it through life without hitting a couple. But do we try to miss them or aim for them? It is obviously much better for our bones and the shocks of our car for us to avoid such pitfalls. So it is in life. But what if we can't avoid a pothole or we land in one anyway. Well I think our attitudes make a huge a difference as to whether or not we will make it through to the other side or sit and bemoan the damage. If we keep going and come unto Christ we can repair the damage of potholes in our lives. So we have great reason to have joy. And maybe when we are on the other  side of it we can yell out, "Be donk a donk!". Taking note that we've grown and learned and our ready to move on!
By the way, I am thankful to live in a newer neighborhood that has no speed bumps and no potholes. For the time being, life is a bit smoother :)

Music Ringing in my House

I have always wanted to be able to have music be a talent within my family. I have been blessed by a wonderful husband that sees the blessing of this as well. The second year of our marriage on my birthday he bought me an upright piano. He continued supporting my older boys in there guitar lessons. And when I wanted to practice the piano would keep the little ones away.
When we moved, we had to sell the piano because it would have been ruined as it would out of necessity been stored in non climate controlled storage trailer. So we sold it and he bought me a pretty baby grande. It's not new and trying to play softly on the keys can be annoying sometimes as the keys can be temperamental. But it still plays lovely, and what's more he approached me and said that I should find someone to give me lessons. I'm in Heaven! I look forward to my practice time. And a couple of weeks ago I even played the music for family home evening. So cool! But the best blessing of music has been my little ones. Last night as I was working on my fall decorations, Lil Red came through the door of the kitchen singing "Nephi's Courage". Right behind him was Jamie, who didn't know that song, but realized it was a church song. So following his brother's lead, he was singing his favorite song, The Wise Man and The Foolish Man. It was a sweet moment. One of those that you hold onto forever.
My Dad is at the heart of my love for music. Although, my Mom deserves credit as well. My Mom taught me the fun that can be had and the uplift that comes from listening to good music. But my Dad taught me to appreciate classical and to desire to develop my musical talent. His favorite Christmas song, 'Oh Holy Night' became my favorite as year after year when we would find ourselves for a quiet moment in the car together, would sing that song together and yearn to master it so that we could sing it in Church and share our love of the song. We never did. But the moments of shared desire and peace as we sang together bring much more joy than a performance ever would.
Thank you, my Heavenly Father for blessing me with so many people in my life to bring me the joy of music and to nurture music within my own talents.

GLADLY

I love that our children are sometimes are greatest teachers. There is nothing like it to bring us back into the depths of humility. Last night, after a family home evening on the outline of Heavenly Father's Plan or logistics of it and some swimming in the pool as are fun activity, we had settled down to watch America's Got Talent off of the DVR. I know I love that feature! Anyways, my sweet husband got me a bowl of ice cream, so I could keep my adventurous girl in check while we watched. I was done and being a bit lazy (I'll admit), I asked Lil Red, who is 4 1/2 now if he would take my bowl to the kitchen for me. "Yes Mother, I will gladly do that for you". My mouth fell open a little before the smile stretched across my face. I must admit that I made a huge deal of this. But it wasn't, "sure" or "okay" or a quiet aquiescence to my being older and him younger so he had to. He said he would 'gladly do that for me'. Nothing makes a Mother feel more appreciated than having her children gladly serve her. Usually it only happens on Mothers Day. The fact that family home evening hadn't been on service either didn't fail to escape me. What a lesson to me! If it made me feel that much more loved and appreciated, how much would that do for those that I serve if I would add just that one word..."gladly."? For those who read this and have to listen to me bear my testimony next time, I apologize but this one will be shared. The impact of one small word. How it can change everything, even when just taking an empty bowl a short distance. Makes a small act of service huge. Thank you Lil Red. Thank you for being such a little Nephi. I hope I can become more like you my sweet boy.

What Can Change in Less Than a Year

I can't believe what has happened in less than a years time. This time last year I wondered if we would ever move. If we would ever have the space that we needed for our growing family and if my husband would ever truly relax again. I'm not sure if I'll have time today to even touch on a quarter of the blessings that have occurred. There have been some heart aches but those have definitely been overshadowed as the windows of heaven have opened up for us and showered us. I think one of the reasons that I haven't posted about all of this on here is the fear that I might be seen as bragging. I really do pinch myself sometimes to make sure it's not a dream. But then my wondrous Sunshine girl will get poop on the rug after having a blow out, and I'll know, yeah this isn't a dream, lol. This weekend though as I contemplated beginning to blog again, I realized that I did need to blog about these blessings and changes. Not just to give thanks for them which we've already been doing, but to show maybe just one person that might be feeling as desperate as I was last year to hold on and don't lose hope. Continue faithfully and things do change and in the blink of an eye. I know some blessings take longer than others and some blessings aren't meant to be. Maybe, I'll blog about that one next time, but right now I'm enjoying the many and letting go of the one that hasn't come :)
So I'll start with the big one. We sold our house. After years and hours upon hours of remodel. We sold it! We then started looking for a house. Which at this point I will interject that Big Red had changed where I was looking to a neighborhood that I had never heard of. The community and house that we ended up in surpassed my dreams. It is so exciting for me to continue our love for outdoor exploration with our kids. To have so many church members within our neighborhood that I can walk to do my visiting teaching. To have neighbors, not of our same faith, that are friendly enough to bring us pies to welcome us. (That's right more than one was so thoughtful, blew me away).
Lil  Red and I had such a special relationship with our old neighbor and her dog Hera. I will never forget our tearful goodbye. But we have been blessed to have new neighbors that also have a big dog and Lil Red has been quick to bond with them. My morning walks have been filled with smiling faces and pleasant greetings. And no I don't live in Pleasantville :P
Another huge blessing was that in the process of trying to rebuild for my in-laws house which was lost in one of the many wildfires last year, they decided they wanted to live near us. They now live within walking distance and I have already reaped many wonderful blessings from that. It has been fun for the kids to ask to go spend sometime making cookies with Grandma and gives me a couple of hours to do an errand or spend time with just Sunshine girl. A couple of weeks ago, she walked them back to my house to deliver my two urchins to me. Laughingly she said, "they probably need a bath and Jamie might need a diaper change." They had dug up dirt in her back yard, turned on the hose, made mud pies and then proceeded to throw them at the side of her house. I'm so glad they have a loving Grandma and Papa near by to help nurture them.
So one of the pluses of this house for us is that it has a pool in the back yard. This has definitely been a huge blessing to my husband. He has spent night after night with the boys teaching them to swim, so we don't worry about them, but also going and relaxing himself. Sitting in the back and contemplating. We have a nature preserve behind us, so he can stare into the trees and foliage and let go of the day's stress.
We still have tiffs, but the dynamics are so much less stressful. One of my favorite parts of our home has been my new office/playroom/ schoolroom.

I love having the space for the kids to decorate, but also having the ability to decorate in a way that will influence them positively and in a deep way. I have already broken out my beads and let my creative juices flow into new pieces. And I've been blessed to find two like minded mothers to form a co op preschool group and that has been so much fun already.

I have my own printer, so I am printing coupons again. With space to organize, we are using all of the learning tools that we own. And I'm feeling like I'm moving forward again and not just treading water. Today as we were cuddled on the couch, my sweet blue eyed boy said to me,"this is a nice house". I hope we never stop marveling. I hope we never fail to thank God for any of our blessings. And I promise that my next post won't be long in coming :)

Memories Stirred

I had two memories come up to my mind as I've gone about my Christmas shopping. The first really doesn't have anything to do with Christmas but I still wanted to write it down.  I bought a little headband for my little Coco bean yesterday, along with two bows that can be changed out of the headband. I was so excited about this buy to match her Christmas outfits perfectly. The funny thing is that I couldn't understand why this was such a big deal to me. Then a memory of two shoe strings hanging on a bathroom wall next to a sink came to me. Attached to the shoe strings were matching barrettes of every different color you could think of, and they weren't plain barrettes. They had round ruffles with bows in the middle of them. They were so girlie and cute, and they perfectly accessorized all my childhood friend's clothes. Her name was Tanya and I do believe that I coveted all those cute bows. My hair was always unruly as a child and I know my Mom tried occasionally to put ribbon in my hair but for the most part she was happy sticking it in dog ears without any adornment. Looking back I was cute even without bows, but I fear my poor daughter will have many hair bows in her life :)

The second memory or maybe I should say realization about myself was that over the years gift giving from me has taken a certain track when it comes to my children. I was looking at the gifts that I've bought my children so far, and I discovered they were all learning presents and presents that will promote growth either socially or talent wise. They will receive fun gifts too, but the majority of the gifts are aimed to edify not entertain. Yes even that alien science lab was meant to encourage my son in his love of science and experimentation. I do believe that he concoted many solutions with that kit, lol. And in the picture below, those are music instruments, not weapons, as it appears by the picture they believed (rolling my eyes). I hope someday they realize that those gifts were more a reflection of my love than any of the ones that I bought that they asked for. Like Heavenly Father, I wish for my children to succeed and make the most of what has been given to them, so I search for things that will profit them in strength.

I am counting my blessings this morning that I have been able to type this up before my little ones have stirred. Merry Christmas everybody! Just in case I don't have a chance to blog again before the big day ;)

This Years Blessings

I have found myself dwelling upon my adversities and what I feel is limbo for us. I realize that this doesn't need to be so. I need to be moving forward as always even if that doesn't equate to physically moving forward as I desire it to be. So instead I will recount my blessings and set new goals and redouble my efforts to meet short term and long term goals and stop "waiting for my ship to come in".

First I am so grateful and blessed to have a husband that even in the midst of one of his biggest trials and stressful times in his life, still finds the time to make sure that I feel appreciated and to help me with the children and house.
Secondly, I have been blessed with THE prettiest little girl I could never imagine ;)

I say this because I never imagined having a child born with so much hair, lol. And it looks like it might be auburn. I truly have a wide variety of looks when it comes to my children. We call her our little coco bean. It has been difficult to learn to manage three. Indeed, I haven't mastered it by a long shot, but I'm told the first two years are the hardest. Hmmmm...that means I only have a year and 11 months :S
Back to blessings :)
Third, I have the cutest and sweetest boys. I love that they all gravitate to me and need their time to snuggle. Even the teenagers.
Fourth, I have a fabulous mother that has made being separated from my teen age boys bearable. Knowing that she is a daily influence in their life makes me breathe a great deal easier and knowing that she is getting them to seminary for a daily dose of Heavenly Father in their life is what makes me be able to let go.
Fifth, I have been blessed during the trials of the past months to grow closer to an awesome friend. And I have a feeling that it will be one of those lifetime friendships that never fizzle out.
Sixth, I have been blessed with great health this year. I made it through my last pregnancy with barely any hiccups and no bed rest. No shingle out breaks and my allergies have barely given a showing. Which was a HUGE blessing, seeing how my worst allergies are usually right when I was due to have our little Coco Bean. This means I would have had sleepless nights and had a hard time keeping from coming down with an infection because I rely a great deal on being able to physically exercise in a major way to keep up my natural antihistimines, and that is limited during pregnancy.
Seventh, a working car and a beautiful home.
Eighth, being able to stay close with friends that I've developed close friendships with over the year and to be able to spend time with them and much of my family.
I could go on but I might begin to sound like I'm bragging, lol. So I'll have to continue in my journal.
Time to make new goals and move forward spiritually and step out of the limbo I have put myself in. Afterall, I wasn't given these blessings to sit upon a shelf :)

Beginning Seeds through Experience

I have pondered much on the talks from our church's General Conference addresses that had to do with why even the righteous go through much hardship in life and why we have the experiences we do. (reference talks by Quentin Cook and Robert D. Hales, both of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles)
My thoughts turned to the beginnings of my own testimony. When did my personal testimony begin to solidify and not piggy back off of that of my parents and other leaders? Which led me to the memory of one of the most signifying events of my life at the age of 17, my senior year of high school, and Christmas Eve.
I had gone with my Dad to work to be able to do some last minute Christmas shopping after he took care of  a couple of things at the office. I remember feeling very tired and kind of sick and closing my eyes in the car while I waited for him and telling him I didn't feel good when he got back in the car. I must have gone to sleep. When I awoke, it was to excruciating pain. I didn't remember that it was Christmas Eve. All I could think about the pain and the non stop vomiting that was resulting. My parents later told me that my skin was literally a shade of green. I remember our home teacher coming over to assist my Dad in adminstering a blessing. I know that I was assured of my Father in Heaven's love for me and that they would be able to figure out what was wrong with me, then my parents rushed me to the emergency room. I was diagnosed with accute gastroneuritis. Really bad gas. My parents knew something more serious was going on, but all they could do was pray. On Christmas morning a nurse came to do a routine check and discovered that I had a burst appendix. She was responsible for taking the measures to get me as quickly as possible into surgery. Since it had already burst, they had to do two surgeries one to open me up and drain me and then after most of the infection causing puss had drained they stapled me back up and sent me home. However, the doctor failed to prescribe me antibiotics and I had to go back into the hospital to go through the same process again. Only my monthly menstrual cycle had started after I had been released and the doctors knew I would need a blood transfusion or I wouldn't survive the operation. My Dad and another church member went to donate blood for me. The blood bank lost the other persons blood and so my only hope became my Dad's that was iron rich and really  thick. I was dehydrated and my veins kept rolling and the nurses couldn't get the blood to go in. They had only minutes before the blood would go bad. My Dad gave me a priesthood blessing and the blood flowed in with seconds to spare. So twice my life was spared through priesthood blessings.
Now what was going on with me on the inside. During this time period of my life, I had started to stray from the straight and narrow. Because of this I didn't know if I was worthy of these blessings and I was afraid to die because I knew I needed to repent. There were times that I did wish to die because of the pain, but mostly I was afraid of that possibility.
What I took away from the experience were three eternal truths that would see me through many a future trial and hardship. 1) My Heavenly Father loved me unconditionally. 2) That there truly is power in the priesthood and can be exercised through righteous priesthood holders. 3) My Heavenly Father had a purpose and a plan for me and I was being given a chance to realize that purpose. I also learned a temporal truth and that was that I had parents that would always be there for me. My Mom stayed with me the entire time at the hospital. My Dad was constantly there and as afore mentioned doing everything in his power to save his daughter.
Now I'd like to say that from that day forward that I began to be the model daughter and teenager of exemplary character. But alas, I chose the hard road. I did begin to try harder and those truths were deeply imbedded in me at that time and led to me eventually grasping an even firmer grip on my testimony.
As I've pondered this experience, I've realized that there were other eternal truths to be learned through this experience if I choose to look a little deeper, just as the Isrealites could learn deeper truths from their experience with being bitten by the snakes and being saved just by looking to the snake on the cross that Moses held up to them. So these are the things that I have learned by taking a deeper look at the experience. It was my Father's blood that saved me from dying. Just so it is my Savior's blood that ransoms me and saves me from spiritual death and permanent temporal death. It is not the "arm of the flesh" that we should trust in. I know that nurses and doctors did their part in bringing about my recovery, but ultimately it was through God's inspiration and power that I was restored to health.
My Dad shared with me multiple times how this experience strengthened his testimony. I know it would have surprised him just how deeply the experience blessed me. So if we are the sum of our experiences, I would add to that that we are the sum of how we react to our experiences. Just as Laman and Lemuel had a great deal of the same experiences as Nephi in The Book of Mormon, they chose to react to those experiences in different manners. Nephi focused on his blessings in the midst of trials and his brothers chose to focus on the hardships. Nephi sought for the spirit for guidance and Laman and Lemuel trusted to what they could see and continually failed to exercise faith. Nephi's strength therefore came from his belief in God's love and his courage to exercise that faith in his belief. I'm so grateful for all of my experiences that have led me to this juncture in my life. Especially these that led to the beginning seeds of my Testimony.