Moving On

As you can see, it's been 8 years since I last posted. I went back to occasionally writing in my paper journal. So much has happened and continues to happen. Anyone that might read this is probably wondering, why I'm beginning to write again. Well, my mom, sent me a message and said, maybe I should start writing on it again, and it felt right. So here I go again. My goal is to write on here once a week. Crossing my fingers and toes that that's not too much of a stretch with my crazy busy life. 

So first off, the title of my post has a double meaning. The first of that being, we have moved and now reside in Virginia. Sometimes, I can't believe it, I always felt that I was meant to live somewhere else, but given who I married and my original divorce decree when I was a single mother, I thought maybe I was just crazy because leaving Texas just did not seem to be in the cards. We have been here for two years! It seems like so much longer because so much has happened and we have so many friends that I can't comprehend that it would all occur in such a short amount of time. 

How did we get here?!? First of all, I remember sitting in my sisters congregation in Idaho, and the person speaking digressed in the middle of his talk. He said, "I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I have always felt that no matter where I'm at in the world, and my family is moved because of my job a lot, that we are always accepted and have always found peace in our new surroundings because we had support due to being members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints". I am paraphrasing because it's been years since that happened, but it felt like he said that just for me, and it stuck in my brain. Around 4 years later I started to be really uncomfortable with where we lived. I loved the people and my neighborhood and the amenities it offered. I loved being so involved in the community that my kids had no anonymity. However, crime seemed to be on the rise which made me worry constantly. I also saw my kids struggling. One kid in particular seemed to be held back socially because of peers judging based on the past. Another one we couldn't keep track of because he would constantly run off to other people's houses without telling us, and with crime on the rise in the area, I was always worried about his safety. I started wistfully looking at properties to the north of us, hoping to convince my husband to move us further out of the city since he had started working remotely. At this time though his parents were still living, and getting close to the end of their lives. So it never was a reality or true push to move, just a dream. Fast forward those two years and both of his parents had passed away. Covid seclusion had ended in Texas and was moving on to the end in Virginia. My husband's company was in the process of changing hands when the CFO quit, and they wanted him to step up and be the CFO. He had stepped down years ago because at the time we had just moved his parents closer to us, and we didn't want to move to Virginia which would be necessary for him to remain the CFO. He brought me into his office prior to us leaving for a trip and asked me what I thought. I was blown away because that is a direction that I have never thought of moving in. We had no family in this direction except one cousin on my side that I don't have any contact with, and my husband's sister's family, and she would be 2 hours away. At the time, she and I had had some bad interactions over my mother-in-law, and I didn't know if that could be mended. I had only ever looked at moving west, somewhere close to mine or my husband's family. Yet when he asked, I remembered that feeling from that speaker talking about always feeling supported, and I knew that this was it, we were meant to go. It took a couple of antagonizing months to be sure that it was going to happen. But I'll never forget setting down as a family to discuss it. We had supposed that we would get a great deal of kick back from the kids because they had never lived any where else. However, they were excited, and I felt peaceful as we talked about it and resolved my daughters concerns (she was the only one that really had any worries). I looked at my husband and said, "it feels right". He agreed. So here we are. In the coming months I will share the many blessings that we've had since moving here. While we miss friends and family, we have come to love so many more here in Virginia. My mom is not happy that I have moved so far away and I don't think that she will ever forgive me for loving an area more than my birthplace, but I do. I love the weather and changing of the seasons here. I love the people, the diversity of our area, the history, the many outdoor places to go and enjoy the scenery, and the opportunities that this area has given us. This move has opened up a whole new chapter in our lives, and blessings are happening every day as a result!

Crossing the Ocean

My sister, posts a writing prompt every Sunday, and I try to get on and take the challenge, but I'm not always so good at it. However, her prompt from today comes from the quote, by Christopher Columbus, "You never cross the Ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." This quote really speaks to me, because many of my siblings and children have always seen me as fearless and outgoing. I have people skills, and so many times they think it is just part of my personality, and I guess part of it is because I desired at some point in my schooling to learn how to make friends. However, I was super shy through out my grade school years. I didn't start breaking out of that shy mode until Jr. High. My parents networked in Amway, and so consequently they started feeding us kids some of the positive self help books that they read. I ate them up! I think Norman Vincent Peale was one of my favorite writers that they had us read. The stories really inspired me. But I can't remember which book, maybe it was "How to Win Friends and Influence People", but there was a line in one for the books that said, "everyone is insecure about something". I pondered that a long time, and that was a changing point for me. When I realized that I wasn't alone in the 'feeling alone boat', I started looking for others that might be feeling alone, and was able to talk to those that I felt were super popular. The key was looking for things I had in common. Now that I'm older, it still isn't super easy to talk to people. There are some times that I want to hide out at home, but when I force myself to go I never find it hard to talk to others because I can find common ground with just about anyone. Life experiences have made that possible, and seeking guidance from the Savior on how to reach out to others. While it's not easy for me, I love interacting with others. It's a challenge, but it can be so rewarding. I love learning from others, as they share their ideas and experiences, and I love getting to know others from their opinions. Probably why I chose book club to start getting to know people in my community apart from church. I get to read, another love, and I get to really interact with people as we exchange ideas on a variety of subjects. So while it's not been a quick journey for me, but a talent that has developed over the years, it has been a journey. I can remember my first foray into overcoming that shyness in Junior High. I took a deep breath, and turned to the guy who had a locker next to mine, Curtis Foster, and said, "I'm so excited! today is a great day! Isn't it?"
And that was it! I made a new friend. Over the next years, he let me borrow his cool shirts, and we would talk every once and while between classes. I didn't share a lot of classes with him, but our interactions were always positive, and I think that was the key. He was the first to notice if I was upset, because that wasn't that often. I started getting involved in extracurricular activities that gave me more opportunities to talk to others. I think when it became the easiest was after I had kids, and got remarried. It's never easy to talk to others when you aren't happy. But sometimes you haven't to push through that unhappiness by looking for things that make you happy to overcome the unhappiness. For me it was dancing. I can totally get a party started on the dance floor. Nothing makes me smile more than twirling around and around in my husband's arms. And don't get me started on dips! (wiggling my eyebrows). Just wish we were spring chickens and could do lifts, but I think we will have to wait till we have resurrected bodies for that, lol. But I digress. One of my best friends took me with her to a dance for the first time while I was a young single mother. She was counting on what she believed was my natural out going personality to make it through. We walked in, and nobody was dancing, and various people were sitting in small groups at tables. She turns to me and asks, "So what do we do now?". I look at her with an incredulous face, and reply,"I don't know! I don't know anyone." She starts cracking up stating that she thought I was so outgoing. Well I don't give up, if that's what people mean by out going. So I spied the food table, and said, "let's get some food". Then I promptly looked for the smallest group of people sitting at a table and asked if we could sit there. I introduced us and the rest is history. It wasn't a big deal, but I felt like a warrior that had just fought an amazing battle and won! I feel like that every time I have to go to a large meeting of people. The self doubt never goes away, and sometimes I feel like I totally bombed my interactions, but I just dive in every time. People are important, not because of what they do, but because we are all spirit children of our Heavenly Father. It's the biggest commonality that we all share. I want to be a positive influence in this life, and so I have to keep pushing forward and forgetting that there is even a shore.
A picture of our family at one of those events that I always have to step out of my comfort zone to attend.

My Biggest Mistake

It's hard to admit when you've made a mistake, so it's double hard to write about. I've made plenty of mistakes in my life. Some real "doozies", you could even say. However, as I look back there is one mistake that led to many downfalls for me, and some hardships that maybe I would have avoided. Right after high school, my Mom and Dad got me a job as a nanny in San Antonio. I was excited to have a job that would allow me to go to school at the same time, but I was also nervous and scared. It was a house that was full of contention. They had a son that was my age, and he was angry that I was there. I guess because he realized that their shouldn't be a need for me because he should have been taking care of his little sister, but whatever the reason he made my life miserable there from day one. I was immature and self centered during that time, and very scared. It was the first time that I had been away from home with no family, and even though I knew this family a bit, it was still like living with strangers. I could have made a big difference. I could have been a light. Instead, I let my fears and their sons treatment of me justify me quitting and going back home. I have often wondered where I would be if I had stuck with it. If I had turned to my Savior and asked him how to make my circumstances better. The only positive that I felt that came out of that experience was my friendship with Amy, the daughter that only remembers that I spent a lot of time on the phone instead of playing with her in the evenings. I guess I thought since her parents were home that I wasn't needed. Those phone calls were between me and my now ex-husband. I wish that her memories would have been those walks home from school, or me having fun with her on her karaoke machine that she loved singing on night and day, but I can see why my shut door in the evenings as I escaped feeling insecure by talking to someone who said they wanted to marry me, and made me feel desired. If only I had put down that phone. and stopped thinking about my love life and focused on that little girl who needed me and desired my company. Maybe then I would have found the strength and gotten at least a 2 year degree. Who knows, but it haunts me to this day. I hope she forgave me a long time ago. I have always cared for her, and kept up with her, but never said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for quitting. I'm sorry for giving up. I'm sorry for not making a big difference in your house hold when I could have.".
I am thankful though that I can take away from that experience to never quit something unless you feel that's the way the spirit is leading you. To give people your all, and not your half heart. To not let your fears and insecurities rule you. And when you feel far away from those you love, and feeling needy yourself that the Savior is there for you, and you can feel his and our Heavenly Father's love for you if you just reach out to him, and that love will fill you with comfort and peace. Pictures of my boys and I tubing with Amy just outside of San Antonio. That water was SOOO cold! I do believe by the end of the trip that my booty was numb, Amadeus and Isaac were blue, Amy lost her red hat, and I lost my favorite cover up. Ahhh the memories!

A Tradition of Fall

SOME FUN FALL PICTURES OF FALL TRADITIONS

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Fall! I was trying to figure out why. I mean I love winter, too. It's when Christmas comes. It's a time of much giving and hot chocolate and cookies. Valentines Day is in there too with lots of fun sharing love with a little more strength on that given day to our special loved ones. Then there is the spring which is just as cool as the Fall, sometimes even cooler (I'm referring to the temperature of course and this being relative to Texas weather). The spring is also the time to celebrate the Atonement and Resurrection of our Savior. Then we have summer, lots of family togetherness as school is out and we get to go on vacation together and get projects done. Family reunions are usually held during this time, and it's the best time for one of our family favorites...swimming! So why am I very passionate about the Fall? It does have very beautiful warm colors for a warm season. I know you are saying, "now wait a minute you just said that it was cooler". True, the weather starts cooling off, which would definitely contribute to my loving the season. And after the scorching heat of August, those first couple of cold fronts lead to some wonderful bursts of activity. However, by warm season, I mean it's a time for counting blessings, for beginning to be service oriented again within the community as our wandering around trying to create vacation memories comes to an end. It could be that our family comes together for eating a yummy feast full of food saved and savored only once a year. Or that we get to dress up in fun costumes, and my birthday gets celebrated. But no, even though I love all those things there are similar things that occur during other seasons of the year, with the exception of my birthday of course, but as you get older a birthday isn't as big a deal anyways, until your really old and it's a big accomplishment to keep going year after year, lol. But I digress. What it boils down too, I believe, is a combination. It's the harvest. A time to work and prepare for the seemingly long winter months ahead. It's a time to reflect and count blessings (one of my joyful past times ;) ) It's coming together. Like in a science experiment of molecules. The heat causes molecules to scatter and move apart, but as it cools the molecules start to come together. That is Fall. We are coming together after being moved apart by the heat. We know from biblical and current prophetic teachings that the earth and its seasons move in cycles, and it is the same of the Lord's work. The earth actually symbolically teaches us about His work. I believe that we are in the Fall season. He is speedily gathering those to him that will believe in Him and do his work. It is not a time to goof off, or be nonchalant. It is time to be passionate, get moving, choose a way to use your talents to bring others to the truthfulness of His gospel. This is my Fall tradition, working hard! Whether it is to put up decorations to help others enjoy the season, inviting others to activities to help them feel connected, baking cookies or meals for those that need an uplift or a little kindness, reaching out a little more, lengthening and strengthening my stride, all these things are helping me and those around me look forward and be prepared spiritually for our Saviors coming. I am so thankful for the time we do have to prepare.
"If ye are prepared ye shall not fear” (D&C 38:30).

Love letters

 

      My eldest son and I were at logger heads this past week, and knowing him and myself. I didn't want a conversation over his choices to disintegrate to a huge battle of ugly words. So I started praying. Some words of advice from another situation weeks earlier rang in my ears, "write a letter".
     I have in my possession some of the most beautiful love letters ever written (in my ever so humble opinion). Some of them are the simple, "I love you" with hearts from my children and the sweet drawings that accompany them that express what words do not. Some of them are from my husband, thanking me for things that I've done and expressing his love and gratitude for being blessed with me in his life. A recent one is a beautiful tribute penned by my step daughter for Mother's Day. I also have one given to me by a stake president many years ago expressing his admiration for my never give up attitude and the belief he had in me that I would be able to achieve my goals. Another one is from my brother, while on his mission, telling me how he looked up to me and admired me for the changes that I had made in my life, and the strength that I had as a single mother. I have some sweet ones penned from my younger sister and older sister as well. Offering me strength when I needed it. My father left all of us children with a loving letter of farewell and admonishment before he passed from this life. All of these letters have had a profound effect on me over the years, and helped me to believe in myself, strengthened me, and given me the love and courage that I've needed in the past. I occasionally still look back on them and read them gathering that love to me again and again.
     Back to my experience with my son. With those letters in mind I penned what I hope will be one of many love letters that he will cherish over the course of his life. How do I know that I was successful in listening to the spirit as I penned that letter? It is because the letter had the desired effect to draw him back to me in love. There was no accusation or anger in our ensuing conversation, but honesty, understanding, and love.
     I thank God for all of the people in my life that he has prompted to send me such encouraging, personal, and loving correspondence. And I thank God, for helping me express that love to my strong minded teenager in a way that would gather him to me instead of pushing him away. What an amazing effect written words of love can have on our lives. They give lasting power and spiritual strength to us in away that spoken word cannot, as our frail human minds have a tendency to forget. If we have any questions on that subject, we need look no further than the love letters of the scriptures of our Father in Heaven who has written to us of our divine worth and our potential lest we forget.




image found at: http://www.wozax.com/3810-cartoon-valentine-colouring-pages-printable-for-little-kids.php

Grateful for Chocolate!

I mean who isn't! You take one bite of that velvety rich bitter and sweet goodness and you know you've died and gone to heaven! But seriously, chocolate is responsible for so many blessings in my life. Well maybe not responsible, that's not a good way to put it. More like, it's been a connector. Last Christmas because everyone loves great chocolate desserts I started getting together with a friend occasionally to make yummy desserts and take them home to our families. She's not a super outgoing person, not an introvert mind you, but just not always looking for away to start a party like me, lol. Anyway, because of our mutual love for Nutella and chocolate it's given us a chance to be friends. Then we expanded to invite others and we are turning this love for chocolate into a way to cheer people up and socialize. Just hope we can keep it going with crazy in session school schedules and more people involved.
There are so many jokes about chocolate being the thing for ladies, and I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, but it's true we do love chocolate. It helps my husband and I bond when we find a kind of chocolate that we both agree is the balm. I just bought some Belgian truffles from Sams, (yes I have some left Mom. It's in bulk there remember?lol) and we, meaning me, are sharing it with everyone. This is so we don't kill our diets by over dosing. Can you believe that 4 are a serving size!?! Who made that rule? Anyways, I haven't gotten turned down yet. Chocolate helps bond people! I think I want John to do a study about that for his next science project. I think it would be a good study. I know there have been studies as to how it effects the pleasure centers of the brain, but it also is a bonding tool. Maybe because it has the same effect on so many people that it is almost a universal commonality, but whatever it is, I am grateful for God giving me taste buds to enjoy it, the gumption to invite others and bless others with that enjoyment of one of the sweets of life, and the physical fitness to work it off!
Have a sweet week everybody!

In Battle You want to Know that You are Part of a Well Oiled Machine

  

We went to see the USS Alabama and the submarine the USS Drum. While it was super hot, being the last week of August, I truly enjoyed climbing up and down those narrow stairs and exploring each nook and cranny

and imagining life aboard a military vessel during a war. There was a mess area and a place for doing laundry. A store for clothes and a store for gum, cigarettes and other things that might be considered treats for the men aboard the vessel. There were storage lockers for the men to keep a very small amount of personal items. I loved that they had a soda shoppe area with ice cream. There was a time out area to help the men cool off if they got into a fight (my kids loved that), and a brig for the really bad apples. I mean they really thought of everything when they put this ship together! They knew they would have to boost morale and help the men stay upbeat especially when it was hot. One thing our family has learned over the course of many summer vacations is that HEAT can cause tempers to flare in a second!  But the areas that really impressed me were the battle room, the contingency area for if they were hit, and the medical area. The battle room was just as impressive as any movie depiction that I'd ever seen. I could imagine the admiral and his commanding officers in there deciding their movements. The contingency area was right across the hall and from here they could quickly communicate with the officers and other crew members if they had taken on damage and who needed to be sent to fix the problem. The medical area was stocked even with an operating room and an area to quarantine. As I thought on how this huge ship had been so well thought out and had been successful in transporting so many men into battles and back home again coping with the everyday needs and special needs of it's mission, a comparison occurred to me.

The Lord has restored His church upon the earth as it was when He, Christ, established it upon the earth during his ministry. I know many people believe that they don't need church, and as long as they keep the commandments they don't need to go. So then why did Christ bother to restore it? Why do we need it? We have families, and that is essential to Heavenly Father's plan. So why do we need church? Here are my thoughts as to why.

God and our Savior knew that families were going to be under fire. Satan knows that they are integral parts of God's plan for us. So of course, in these latter days the heat is being turned up!!! What did I say about heat? That's right, tempers flare and sometimes as individuals we need support. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is set up to help each of us stretch and grow and to develop our teaching and leading and other skills that are essential for helping us get our families back to Heavenly Father. To prove faithful. Now is it possible that some families don't need it? Yeah probably. But someone else's family needs that family's example to help them keep their family on the straight and narrow. The funny thing is that the family that doesn't need it, is the family that will never say they don't. That's because they realize that each of us are spirit children of our Heavenly Father and part of our testing in this life is to see if we will do our part to help those that haven't received the message yet. We also need those awesome bishops just like in the contingency area of the ship. They help get things repaired and people to the right person to help with healing. Even if that might be just with them or to an addiction recovery meeting or a counselor. The church is always having activities for youth and members whether single or married to boost morale and help us  to build relationships, so we can learn from each other and enjoy one another.

I am so thankful that Heavenly Father gave us such a well oiled tool of machinery to help us be a community in these latter days. I hope that as a member that I can be more than efficient in the areas that I am called to serve.  I have personally benefited from being an active member and so has my family. I know that the organization of it is inspired and that it contains the keys of the priesthood that we need to get back to Heavenly Father.

Blended

My step daughter is visiting, and as I watch her play with little Will and take Jamie on scooter rides; it makes me thankful for our blended family. I love that word blend. I don't think of it in the sense of a blender that causes all sorts of chaos and noise and then turns out a lovely fruit frappe. Although I'm certain at times you could see that analogy with our family. However, when I think of blend, I think of one color moving together into another color, creating a smoothness in transition. I feel our family has just about become that. I know we have moments that it's more like the blender, like when one of the little ones invade the cooler older brothers den of sacred space and  the bear comes out bellowing. But there are so many more tender moments that have come about because we have been working at applying the eternal principles of the gospel to our family. I love that Isaac and his best friends have no problem with his 6 year old brother coming out and hanging with them in the pool. I've looked outside to see Isaac tossing the happily screaming boy in the air for a big splash. I've watched my wonderful Alicia doing experiments with the kids, to the delight of Alexis, James, and John. I've seen Amadeus spend a night in the hospital with me to help me take care of a newborn, so he didn't miss any precious time with his new sibling before leaving on his mission. I've had Gregory give piggy back rides and neck rides when the boys became tired from walking. We have all set together in family prayer and scripture study. I have loved hearing the prayers of each from oldest to youngest as they think on each other and the struggles we might be having and to pray for them. John has given me cause to kiss him as he prays for me to be able to get some sleep and the baby to be comfortable, so his teeth don't bother him, (Does that mean that I've been a bear?) . James, 4, has prayed for help to choose the right and to not hit his sister. Lexi has prayed for her brother Amadeus even though he's been out of sight for 4 months. And there have been many other sweet examples of their being prayerful for each other that just warms my heart.
 I love introducing my step daughter in church every time she comes for a visit. There is always that part of me that wants to drop the step, but I know that might cause some raised eyebrows. However, in my mind that step isn't there. When I talk to the kids I never say your step brother or sister, and you can feel that those distinctions aren't there. We accept each other as a whole. I love that Alicia thinks of Amadeus and Isaac on their birthdays. They are her brothers too. Amadeus before he left was loving the opportunity to get to know them and share his thoughts. I could sense how accepted he felt with these two older siblings and I know that it meant a lot. It's amazing to me that just 7 years ago my husband and I had two preteens in our lives to nurture and now we have eight to nurture ranging from 5 months to 31. Takes my breath away! Each one is beautiful and talented and smart and adds their own uniqueness to our emerging eternal portrait. Not that any of us are perfect, but that's where I think we truly blend, as each of us step up with our strengths to buttress up the others weakness. To give when it's needed and make so many beautiful memories painted forever on the canvas of our minds.

Those Sweet Moments

I've been thinking of those sweet moments we all have, and how thankful I am for them. Our time upon this earth is fleeting, and so each happy moment can slip away and leave us sad if we don't catch it and remember to be thankful. Wedding days are particularly chock full of those moments. I have already journaled the whole day in a hard book journal that I own, but some things I will never forget. Like how thankful I was to have my Dad help me remember the pace I was supposed to go up the aisle because as soon as the music started, and I caught sight of the love of my life waiting for me; it felt like my feet had wings. If it hadn't been for my Dad I would have flown down the aisle to be next to him. 

Then how Douglas held out his hand for me, but my Dad just gave him this look and wouldn't relinquish me till the music stopped. And then how Douglas winked at me during the ceremony, and that kiss, whoa that kiss! It was like he'd been saving that romantic moment up for just that moment. It was perfect and I felt it down to my toes. And truly, it was as if everyone faded away, and it was just us. 



Then being later being swirled around the floor by Douglas to LaVi En Rose for our first dance as husband and wife. Never did he seem so smooth. Never have I felt so pleased to be the center of attention. It was our moment. It was our time to say, "Look at us! We are so in love!". Yes definitely a moment to treasure as he dipped me back and kissed me again. Yes, I definitely married a man fit for a musical romance.



Then almost a year later, after praying that we would have the chance to have children together was that another moment that is etched in my mind. The moment that the doctor held that sweet chubby baby up and said, "You did it! A nice healthy baby boy.". And Douglas was holding my hand and there were tears in his eyes, and I felt this tangible spiritual connection between us. I knew what this meant to him, and he knew what it meant to me, and our cup was over flowing. 

 Sometimes the moments haven't been so sappy and happy. There have been moments that are just as unforgettable. Moments that I might wish to drop into a deep abyss, if they didn't remind me of something so precious and comforting that I need to be reminded of again and again. So I'm thankful, for that moment when John slipped at that Splashtown in San Antonio, and split his head opened and I was alone with him. I looked down and saw that huge gash and that blood flowing out and so many thoughts flooded my mind. But the first was to start praying. And I did. Immediately, upon praying my family found me and were able to give John a blessing and help me get him to an emergency room. 
Then there was that call that my Dad died. I remember hearing my brother's voice on the line, when my husband handed me the phone. I'd been looking for the past hour for my phone which John must have thrown away because we never did find it. Knowing what he was calling to tell me, and then that long drive to my Mom's pouring my heart out to God in my grief. Not understanding why we couldn't keep him with us longer. That seems to be the longest moment of my life so far. But somewhere in that long moment the comfort that I needed came.

Then the moment that this sweet boy had spent the night sick, but had not told me till the morning.  I was pregnant with James and Douglas had already left for work. Recognizing that it was most likely his appendix, I immediately called my visiting teacher to come watch John, and rushed Isaac to the hospital. I remembered praying for him and trying to comfort him as I calmly got him to the emergency room. I was thankful for my personal experience and being able to recognize the symptoms, so that his trial was less difficult than mine. But at the same time I longed to take it away from him. 
 So Some would wonder why would you be thankful for THOSE moments? Because those moments bring me closer to my Father in Heaven. And it helps me keep things in an eternal perspective. Making my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel and our Savior's teachings stronger. so that ......

THESE MOMENTS are sweeter.






And these moments of looking into the eyes of each of these sweet children and my other ones....

Are NEVER taken for granted.

Grandma's House

I'm off to visit my Grandma today. The nursing home she lives in just moved her to a different area because she keeps falling and isn't being able to get around much anymore. I'm afraid since she's not conveniently 'close', I have let the days that I've been out to see her be far and few in between. It was my daughters response to her when we hosted a birthday party for her and her twin, my great aunt, at our house this past May that made me realize how remiss I've been. I taught my kids to sing a song for her and they haven't stopped singing it. As a matter of fact, they request it for bedtime sometimes and sometimes I just come across them singing it for fun. My daughter, who is only 2 and a half, is always reminding me that she loves her MeMe Maw. It amazes me that they feel such a strong love for her. I haven't fostered this love like I should have. Not that we haven't been out to visit, just the visits have been few. And I think on all those visits and because my kids are a little stir crazy, the visits have not been that long. So I have to wonder at those ties that they feel to her.
Is it possible that they recognize her spirit? I have to wonder. She has always been a fun a person. I've written before that she is the reason that I love crafts. That I believe that it's never to late to learn or develop a talent. My grandmother was also responsible for a lot of the positive self esteem that I had. I had lot's of negative from school friends and teachers. So I am thankful for Grandma that always had something nice to say about me. It started with her always telling me what an angel I was. Even if I did act like a stinker at times. She also always told me what a good organizer I was. Which has helped me be a house keeper. She always took pictures of me and told me how beautiful I was. Eventually I believed it, but it was through her continued praise and love that I could eventually see it. In short my Grandma believed in me. She new I could go far. And while I may not be champion figure skater (we always loved watching that together), or president of the country ;)   I know she knows that I've done well as her granddaughter and a daughter of God. I can see it in the way she looks at my kids and the way she talks to me now. I hate what her illness did to her quick mind, but I'm grateful to know that after we are resurrected that she will be that vivacious eager to have new experiences person that I knew growing up.
And I'm thankful that I still have time to make the most of her time left on earth and that my children do feel a connection to her. However, that has come about. So like little Red, the children and I are off to visit Grandma today. Glad to know that there are no forests to cross on the way ;)

 Her most recent visit to our house on her birthday with her sister.

Baptism

This is a picture of me the day of my baptism back in 1982. We talked about baptism and what it means to us at church today. I started pondering and realized how grateful I am for this ordinance. I know that their are some people out there that don't believe that it is necessary that it is an insignificant ordinance as long as they are keeping the commandments and that they  believe in Christ. But I believe a loving Heavenly Father knows us better than we know ourselves. In the old testament it talks about how Heavenly Father wants us to be a covenant keeping people. Why would that be important? We could just keep the commandments, right? But I think it was important to show us the importance of integrity and also to show us that Heavenly Father always holds up his end of his promises. Baptism is essential. It shows us that narrow way that we must travel to get back to Heavenly Father with our Brother and Savior Jesus Christ. Christ himself was baptized to show us this. I don't think we realize the magnitude of the blessings that come from making and keeping sacred covenants. Baptism teaches us from the age of eight when we reach the age of accountability that we need to be responsible for our choices that they have eternal significance. It teaches us who to follow. Our Savior. And it teaches us who we can look to for guidance, the holy spirit. I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father and his perfect plan for us. I know sometimes that it may not seem so perfect as we pass through sorrows and heartache, but I know that we agreed to it, with this knowledge. It is just as necessary for us to go through the sorrow to be able to know happiness. And that the atonement helps to heal all those sorrows and pains and turn them to our good. I know because I've experienced it in my own life.
I remember feeling so special and being so excited at the prospect of being 'perfectly clean' the day of my baptism. I was baptized in our new chapel in Magnolia. There were three other kids from my primary class getting baptized that day and one of them, a boy named John, had to be dunked a handful of times because his toe kept coming up, so he wasn't completely submerged. Again, some would be say, 'well so what?'. We teach that just as Jesus was submerged in baptism that we need to be too. This has symbolic symbolism for us. "Immersion is symbolic of the death of a person’s sinful life and the rebirth into a spiritual life, dedicated to the service of God and His children. It is also symbolic of death and resurrection. " Mormon.org
I am thankful for the opportunity that baptism gives us to show Heavenly Father our willingness to keep his commandments. To be a committed person, makes me more focused on goals that bring happiness in my life and the will eventually lead me to life eternal with my Heavenly Father.
Just a few more memories that were fun ones of that day. I remember being nervous that my Mom would forget my extra dry underwear to change into because she did that to my older sister, and I remember that afterwards we went to eat at this 50's hamburger joint afterwards because I wanted to celebrate with a chocolate malt, which I love above shakes :) Yep Eight is great!

Eternal Families

On June 23, 2014, my husband and I got to go not just on any family vacation, but a strengthening of our family vacation. This beautiful family below is my brothers and they have had the opportunity to adopt a sibling group this past year. Now obviously the three youngest are mine, lol. They have had a lot of heartache as a couple in trying to realize their dream to become parents, so it was a big blessing to be able to travel up to the Nauvoo temple in Illinois to see them sealed together as a family forever. For those that might read this blog that don't belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and aren't sure what I'm talking about, I'll fill you in a bit. We believe in families that are tied together through the eternities, not just till death do us part. We also believe that Christ restored the priesthood keys to do this sealing to Joseph Smith in the 1800's, when he thought to ask the question, "Which church should I join?".  Those priesthood keys and the ordinances that are performed in the temple to bless and seal our families in the eternities were very necessary to help us make it back to Heavenly Father.

  It was super exciting for us to be there for their sealing as they had been to our sealing with our kids back in May of 2010, almost exactly 4 years earlier at the Houston Temple. We have loved getting to know each of their new children. And it had been funny at how quickly the cousins have bonded. They have been quick to find similarities and to enjoy memories and moments together. It really has been hard to believe that it's only been a year since we first met them. We already have such a stock pile of memories of them that it seems as though they've always been a part of our family. They have added such new dimensions to the family gathering that they haven't been just a blessing to my brother and sister-in-law, but a great blessing to the entire family. The temple that they chose to be sealed in is a special one to our church because it was rebuilt in memory of people that realized the importance of forever families and built such a beautiful temple even though they were a people of little means. They chose to be industrious and to make this temple building a priority because of the blessings that it would bring to their families.
We had lots of fun exploring the area, and reviewing church history. We happened to be there on the week of the anniversary of the martyrdom of Joseph Smith at Carthage Jail. So it was a special and reverent experience to walk in those areas and review those events. My children loved learning about the ways of life back then and learning little spiritual messages that went with the life skill that the missionaries serving there would share. For example, of favorite of mine was when they were teaching the kids how to make a rope. At the end the elderly man helping them told them  that he could have made the rope by himself, but having lots of others to help made it much more fun. And that families are like that. And before he handed them the rope they made, he made them promise that the next time they were asked to pitch in and help to remember that. That helping and working together brings us closer together and can make the work fun.

We loved the oxcart ride. The boys were super  impressed at how the oxen could poop and still keep walking, lol. We learned why they were preferred to horses and we also learned that it was probably preferred to walk than to ride with how bumpy it was in the cart. We thought about the sick that had to ride in the carts and how miserable it would be. It again made us count our many blessings for the day and age that we have been blessed to live in.

 This is a picture of the black smith shop where the kids get a prairie diamond ring at the end of the presentation. This is a favorite stop for most families as the ring is a coveted memento, and the processes explained are pretty fascinating for most of us. Little Lexi loved her ring and went around the next few days twisting her ring upon her finger and saying, "I wish, I wish, my wish would come true". After stating it that way several times, I asked her what her wish was. She then said, "I wish, I wish, I wish my lipstick would come true." She then opened her eyes and said..."hey this ring doesn't work!". Lol! I hope that it works better at bringing beloved memories of

a week that helped unite our families. She is definitely a hoot. Here is a picture of her at the games center. The kids got to dress up and pretend to be pioneers. They also had lots of fun games to play. I loved the iron hoop and stick game. The kids absolutely loved role playing. They could have come there several days in a row and not gotten tired of these activities. Not once did they say they were bored.

My little James ringing the kids back to school.

Can you believe she loved sweeping the floors?!? I'll have to remind her when she's older, lol.

 My cute hams! Don't let John fool you. He was having a blast. He was just tired of Mom and Dad interrupting his play time with pictures.

  These sweet kids were also a part of strengthening our families. These are my older sister's kids and we hadn't seen them in 5 years since my Dad died. We hadn't even met the youngest and they had only met John, and he was only a year old the last time they saw him. So it was super exciting for my kids to meet and play with these cousins that we talked about and saw pictures of on facebook, but had never met. It was exciting at how quickly they all had fun together. James was super quick to attach to their high energy kid, and John is always up for some new pals.

 We did some other fun things as a family coming back, but one of my favorites was stopping off at this little park in Arkansas to see this natural wonder. It's a natural bridge. It was so beautiful! It brought  to my mind what our whole vacation had been about. Strengthening our family. Both extended and our immediate. Our sealing back in 2010 tied my boys from my previous marriage, Douglas's kids from his previous marriage, and our new children to us. It helped unify us and help us to be more at one with another. I felt the same thing as we witnessed my brother's family get sealed. I love the blessings of temples and the bridge that they form for our families to help us get back together after this life.

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Father's Day is a Special Day!

As this Father's Day has approached, I've been enveloped with memories of my own father and thoughts of thankfulness for my sweet husband and the great dad that he is. I would like to share those thoughts in that order to celebrate these great men and the difference that they have made in my life.
My dad was a great story teller. Whenever, I picture him in my mind, I never think of him as he was at the end of his life. His body taken over by cancer. I always remember his eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled, showing his silver tooth on the bottom. His silver hair mussed up a bit  and his eyes lively, and his hands and body animated as he related one of his beloved Bandit stories. That dog was definitely a close friend to my dad. I don't think he loved any of his other dogs as much. Even his favorite joke was tailored to be real by adding Bandit to it and one of our old family friends, Judy Miller. He told that joke so often that I have it memorized and have retold it myself many times to friends and acquaintances. It's always fun at the end when they realize the story isn't real and that they've been 'had'. I have always been grateful to my Dad for being worthy to hold the Priesthood. He saved my life while I was in the hospital dying from lack of blood by wielding that priesthood and giving me a blessing that allowed the blood to finally flow through the tubes and into my body just before the blood went bad and they would have to throw it away. He also gave me countless father's blessings that allowed me to have a glimpse of my Father in Heaven's love for me. And I know that I have overcome the challenges I have and succeeded much in life as a result of his belief in me. My dad has influenced me so much and I'm thankful for the friendship that I was able to develop with him as a young single mother when I worked with him as his accounting clerk. He will forever be one of my greatest hero's. This is a picture of him at a pool party for Isaac's birthday.

My own husband, became a great man in my eyes from the beginning of our romance. As we changed from friends into embarking on our great love, he told me, "I want to take care of you and your boys", as we stood under the big oak tree on the front of my lawn. That moment is forever etched in my mind. I don't think he realized how important those words were. How much those words spoke of his character. I just recently learned that there was a boy from my childhood whose parents would have loved for him to date me that responded to their information that I was available back then, "but she has two boys". There were several men that I dated that just weren't sure if they could take on the responsibility of two children that didn't have their genes. So when my husband, said that to me I knew he was the one. Not because I thought he was the only one that would ever commit to our family, but because he was sincere in that desire. Because we had already been friends and I knew that he understood what he was saying and that it wasn't said lightly to win me over. I had a witness in that moment that he would grow with me and that we could be real partners in this life of struggles helping each other to overcome and be the parents that our children would need. He hasn't always been perfect as a step dad, but I haven't always been a perfect mother or them perfect sons ;)
The point is that we have stepped into those roles and given it our 'all'. And we are a work in progress. And 'progress' is the key word. I love him beyond belief for never settling for the status quot. He inspires me everyday to work harder and improve myself. The boys made him cards this year, and the cards asked questions about their dad that they had to answer themselves. One of the questions was, "what does your dad do?". Little Red answered, "go to work". And Blueberry boy answered, "fixes things". Most people would think that means he's a work-a-holic. Because he does work. You could never accuse him of being lazy. He likes to get things done. But when he's done, he's taught the boys, it's time to have fun. I love that they see a balance. He knows how to relax. He knows how to have fun and he's taught me to relax and have fun too. Which is something I lost for awhile around my kids when I was single. This is a pic of us having fun at Disney World.
 I am so blessed to have a chance to learn from some great dad's in my life.
 Thank you to my Father and thank you to my Sweetheart for your loving influences in my life and my childrens'

The Passing of a Great Mother

My dear  Grandmother passed away on Thanksgiving day. She was 93 years old. I have thought about writing this post almost every day since, but I haven't been ready till now. My Grandmother was responsible for many things in my life and I am very grateful for the life lessons that she taught me not only through word but also through example. I'm going to share some of my memories on here to express my love for her.
When I was little my parents would send me for the occasional visit during the summer. I loved going to her house. We didn't have central air, so it was nice in the Texas heat to want to burrow under the covers, although she had these two clown pictures hanging up in the guest bedroom that totally creeped me out, so needless to say it wasn't just comfort that had me loving those visits. I know this will sound weird, but she taught me how to properly make my bed and how to maintain a house through scheduling. My personality loved these things. Scheduling dusting! Who knew!? There was also the coveted shopping trips to the mall. I love shopping and I loved hearing about Grandmother's experiences of working at Foleys and J.C. Pennys. In fact when I started working for Foleys during my divorce and worked my way up through the ranks to an area sales manager, providing for myself and my kids and even obtaining a house and a car through my own credit and hard work, I felt nobody's pride more than my Grandmother's. I remember her making a point to tell me how proud she was of me pulling my life together. And because she knew the rigors of what I was doing; I knew she understood just how hard I had had to work to get there. Back to shopping :) My Grandmother would always buy me one thing while out shopping. I remember one time the visit was during Christmas break and she bought me this beautiful spiderweb ornament with a spider on it that glittered in gold. It was my favorite ornament to put on the tree because I picked it out and it was from our shared experience. Another time, when I was 13, my Dad had told me that when I turned 13 it would be my choice as to whether or not I got my ears pierced because he didn't believe I should. I didn't see any reason not too, as it meant not getting headaches when I pinched my ears with clips. Well apparently I missunderstood because I got my Grandmother in trouble. But I asked her if she would take me to get my ears pierced. She not only did that, but made it memorable by taking me out to eat at Neiman Marcus and then over to get my ears done. On the way back through, Macy's, I lost my lunch due to nerves. Poor Grandmother! However, it was a memorable event, lol. Grandmother also had a way of giving such wonderful gifts. Two of my favorites were first, the birthday party she planned for me with a crown and pink girly cake. I had told her how I hated Halloween and always getting stupid halloween birthday cards. She listened and made a special trip out to our family farm to have a girly party for me, although she did slip up and embarass me by buying me panties as a present, if I remember right, lol, but the pink Happy Birthday Crown way out weighed the other. The second was a plaid tafetta Christmas dress from Foleys buried underneath the mounds of tissue in a perfectly wrapped box with a beautiful bow. All that time in retail had taught Grandmother that wrapping could be just as important as the gift. And she was right. I loved that she took the time to teach me a thing or two about that as well.
My Aunt said that her passing on Thanksgiving was appropriate and I told her that I totally agreed. It will make celebrating Thanksgiving every year a little more special, but also entertaining was her specialty. Our family has so many memories of Thanksgiving and Christmas and 4th of July potluck dinners at Grandmother's with fine china and always two kinds of olives. The first time I hosted at my apartment she brought me a pretty little hostess gift. Grandmother was big on instilling proper manners in each of us, but even more than that, I think she was teaching us that the little things matter. Whether it is remembering someone's birthday or that special touch on a present, or dusting the furniture, all those things come around to caring, and she cared a great deal. I always loved her phone calls and her characteristic..."What you know". She loved being called Great mother instead of Great Grandmother and I think it was appropriate, because I know she was a great Mom, a great Mom-in-law, a great Grandmother, so if you totaled all the Motherly totals together she definitely came out Great and then some :)

                                          (This is her coming for a visit after Jame's birth)

 (These next two shots were her modeling a clothes line at her assisted living home. She never stopped doing and her mind was strong till the day she died.)

I love you Great Mother! Till We Meet Again, I promise to remember your many life lessons and to apply then in my life. Thank you for a beautiful legacy.