Moving On

As you can see, it's been 8 years since I last posted. I went back to occasionally writing in my paper journal. So much has happened and continues to happen. Anyone that might read this is probably wondering, why I'm beginning to write again. Well, my mom, sent me a message and said, maybe I should start writing on it again, and it felt right. So here I go again. My goal is to write on here once a week. Crossing my fingers and toes that that's not too much of a stretch with my crazy busy life. 

So first off, the title of my post has a double meaning. The first of that being, we have moved and now reside in Virginia. Sometimes, I can't believe it, I always felt that I was meant to live somewhere else, but given who I married and my original divorce decree when I was a single mother, I thought maybe I was just crazy because leaving Texas just did not seem to be in the cards. We have been here for two years! It seems like so much longer because so much has happened and we have so many friends that I can't comprehend that it would all occur in such a short amount of time. 

How did we get here?!? First of all, I remember sitting in my sisters congregation in Idaho, and the person speaking digressed in the middle of his talk. He said, "I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I have always felt that no matter where I'm at in the world, and my family is moved because of my job a lot, that we are always accepted and have always found peace in our new surroundings because we had support due to being members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints". I am paraphrasing because it's been years since that happened, but it felt like he said that just for me, and it stuck in my brain. Around 4 years later I started to be really uncomfortable with where we lived. I loved the people and my neighborhood and the amenities it offered. I loved being so involved in the community that my kids had no anonymity. However, crime seemed to be on the rise which made me worry constantly. I also saw my kids struggling. One kid in particular seemed to be held back socially because of peers judging based on the past. Another one we couldn't keep track of because he would constantly run off to other people's houses without telling us, and with crime on the rise in the area, I was always worried about his safety. I started wistfully looking at properties to the north of us, hoping to convince my husband to move us further out of the city since he had started working remotely. At this time though his parents were still living, and getting close to the end of their lives. So it never was a reality or true push to move, just a dream. Fast forward those two years and both of his parents had passed away. Covid seclusion had ended in Texas and was moving on to the end in Virginia. My husband's company was in the process of changing hands when the CFO quit, and they wanted him to step up and be the CFO. He had stepped down years ago because at the time we had just moved his parents closer to us, and we didn't want to move to Virginia which would be necessary for him to remain the CFO. He brought me into his office prior to us leaving for a trip and asked me what I thought. I was blown away because that is a direction that I have never thought of moving in. We had no family in this direction except one cousin on my side that I don't have any contact with, and my husband's sister's family, and she would be 2 hours away. At the time, she and I had had some bad interactions over my mother-in-law, and I didn't know if that could be mended. I had only ever looked at moving west, somewhere close to mine or my husband's family. Yet when he asked, I remembered that feeling from that speaker talking about always feeling supported, and I knew that this was it, we were meant to go. It took a couple of antagonizing months to be sure that it was going to happen. But I'll never forget setting down as a family to discuss it. We had supposed that we would get a great deal of kick back from the kids because they had never lived any where else. However, they were excited, and I felt peaceful as we talked about it and resolved my daughters concerns (she was the only one that really had any worries). I looked at my husband and said, "it feels right". He agreed. So here we are. In the coming months I will share the many blessings that we've had since moving here. While we miss friends and family, we have come to love so many more here in Virginia. My mom is not happy that I have moved so far away and I don't think that she will ever forgive me for loving an area more than my birthplace, but I do. I love the weather and changing of the seasons here. I love the people, the diversity of our area, the history, the many outdoor places to go and enjoy the scenery, and the opportunities that this area has given us. This move has opened up a whole new chapter in our lives, and blessings are happening every day as a result!

Crossing the Ocean

My sister, posts a writing prompt every Sunday, and I try to get on and take the challenge, but I'm not always so good at it. However, her prompt from today comes from the quote, by Christopher Columbus, "You never cross the Ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." This quote really speaks to me, because many of my siblings and children have always seen me as fearless and outgoing. I have people skills, and so many times they think it is just part of my personality, and I guess part of it is because I desired at some point in my schooling to learn how to make friends. However, I was super shy through out my grade school years. I didn't start breaking out of that shy mode until Jr. High. My parents networked in Amway, and so consequently they started feeding us kids some of the positive self help books that they read. I ate them up! I think Norman Vincent Peale was one of my favorite writers that they had us read. The stories really inspired me. But I can't remember which book, maybe it was "How to Win Friends and Influence People", but there was a line in one for the books that said, "everyone is insecure about something". I pondered that a long time, and that was a changing point for me. When I realized that I wasn't alone in the 'feeling alone boat', I started looking for others that might be feeling alone, and was able to talk to those that I felt were super popular. The key was looking for things I had in common. Now that I'm older, it still isn't super easy to talk to people. There are some times that I want to hide out at home, but when I force myself to go I never find it hard to talk to others because I can find common ground with just about anyone. Life experiences have made that possible, and seeking guidance from the Savior on how to reach out to others. While it's not easy for me, I love interacting with others. It's a challenge, but it can be so rewarding. I love learning from others, as they share their ideas and experiences, and I love getting to know others from their opinions. Probably why I chose book club to start getting to know people in my community apart from church. I get to read, another love, and I get to really interact with people as we exchange ideas on a variety of subjects. So while it's not been a quick journey for me, but a talent that has developed over the years, it has been a journey. I can remember my first foray into overcoming that shyness in Junior High. I took a deep breath, and turned to the guy who had a locker next to mine, Curtis Foster, and said, "I'm so excited! today is a great day! Isn't it?"
And that was it! I made a new friend. Over the next years, he let me borrow his cool shirts, and we would talk every once and while between classes. I didn't share a lot of classes with him, but our interactions were always positive, and I think that was the key. He was the first to notice if I was upset, because that wasn't that often. I started getting involved in extracurricular activities that gave me more opportunities to talk to others. I think when it became the easiest was after I had kids, and got remarried. It's never easy to talk to others when you aren't happy. But sometimes you haven't to push through that unhappiness by looking for things that make you happy to overcome the unhappiness. For me it was dancing. I can totally get a party started on the dance floor. Nothing makes me smile more than twirling around and around in my husband's arms. And don't get me started on dips! (wiggling my eyebrows). Just wish we were spring chickens and could do lifts, but I think we will have to wait till we have resurrected bodies for that, lol. But I digress. One of my best friends took me with her to a dance for the first time while I was a young single mother. She was counting on what she believed was my natural out going personality to make it through. We walked in, and nobody was dancing, and various people were sitting in small groups at tables. She turns to me and asks, "So what do we do now?". I look at her with an incredulous face, and reply,"I don't know! I don't know anyone." She starts cracking up stating that she thought I was so outgoing. Well I don't give up, if that's what people mean by out going. So I spied the food table, and said, "let's get some food". Then I promptly looked for the smallest group of people sitting at a table and asked if we could sit there. I introduced us and the rest is history. It wasn't a big deal, but I felt like a warrior that had just fought an amazing battle and won! I feel like that every time I have to go to a large meeting of people. The self doubt never goes away, and sometimes I feel like I totally bombed my interactions, but I just dive in every time. People are important, not because of what they do, but because we are all spirit children of our Heavenly Father. It's the biggest commonality that we all share. I want to be a positive influence in this life, and so I have to keep pushing forward and forgetting that there is even a shore.
A picture of our family at one of those events that I always have to step out of my comfort zone to attend.

My Biggest Mistake

It's hard to admit when you've made a mistake, so it's double hard to write about. I've made plenty of mistakes in my life. Some real "doozies", you could even say. However, as I look back there is one mistake that led to many downfalls for me, and some hardships that maybe I would have avoided. Right after high school, my Mom and Dad got me a job as a nanny in San Antonio. I was excited to have a job that would allow me to go to school at the same time, but I was also nervous and scared. It was a house that was full of contention. They had a son that was my age, and he was angry that I was there. I guess because he realized that their shouldn't be a need for me because he should have been taking care of his little sister, but whatever the reason he made my life miserable there from day one. I was immature and self centered during that time, and very scared. It was the first time that I had been away from home with no family, and even though I knew this family a bit, it was still like living with strangers. I could have made a big difference. I could have been a light. Instead, I let my fears and their sons treatment of me justify me quitting and going back home. I have often wondered where I would be if I had stuck with it. If I had turned to my Savior and asked him how to make my circumstances better. The only positive that I felt that came out of that experience was my friendship with Amy, the daughter that only remembers that I spent a lot of time on the phone instead of playing with her in the evenings. I guess I thought since her parents were home that I wasn't needed. Those phone calls were between me and my now ex-husband. I wish that her memories would have been those walks home from school, or me having fun with her on her karaoke machine that she loved singing on night and day, but I can see why my shut door in the evenings as I escaped feeling insecure by talking to someone who said they wanted to marry me, and made me feel desired. If only I had put down that phone. and stopped thinking about my love life and focused on that little girl who needed me and desired my company. Maybe then I would have found the strength and gotten at least a 2 year degree. Who knows, but it haunts me to this day. I hope she forgave me a long time ago. I have always cared for her, and kept up with her, but never said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for quitting. I'm sorry for giving up. I'm sorry for not making a big difference in your house hold when I could have.".
I am thankful though that I can take away from that experience to never quit something unless you feel that's the way the spirit is leading you. To give people your all, and not your half heart. To not let your fears and insecurities rule you. And when you feel far away from those you love, and feeling needy yourself that the Savior is there for you, and you can feel his and our Heavenly Father's love for you if you just reach out to him, and that love will fill you with comfort and peace. Pictures of my boys and I tubing with Amy just outside of San Antonio. That water was SOOO cold! I do believe by the end of the trip that my booty was numb, Amadeus and Isaac were blue, Amy lost her red hat, and I lost my favorite cover up. Ahhh the memories!

A Tradition of Fall

SOME FUN FALL PICTURES OF FALL TRADITIONS

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Fall! I was trying to figure out why. I mean I love winter, too. It's when Christmas comes. It's a time of much giving and hot chocolate and cookies. Valentines Day is in there too with lots of fun sharing love with a little more strength on that given day to our special loved ones. Then there is the spring which is just as cool as the Fall, sometimes even cooler (I'm referring to the temperature of course and this being relative to Texas weather). The spring is also the time to celebrate the Atonement and Resurrection of our Savior. Then we have summer, lots of family togetherness as school is out and we get to go on vacation together and get projects done. Family reunions are usually held during this time, and it's the best time for one of our family favorites...swimming! So why am I very passionate about the Fall? It does have very beautiful warm colors for a warm season. I know you are saying, "now wait a minute you just said that it was cooler". True, the weather starts cooling off, which would definitely contribute to my loving the season. And after the scorching heat of August, those first couple of cold fronts lead to some wonderful bursts of activity. However, by warm season, I mean it's a time for counting blessings, for beginning to be service oriented again within the community as our wandering around trying to create vacation memories comes to an end. It could be that our family comes together for eating a yummy feast full of food saved and savored only once a year. Or that we get to dress up in fun costumes, and my birthday gets celebrated. But no, even though I love all those things there are similar things that occur during other seasons of the year, with the exception of my birthday of course, but as you get older a birthday isn't as big a deal anyways, until your really old and it's a big accomplishment to keep going year after year, lol. But I digress. What it boils down too, I believe, is a combination. It's the harvest. A time to work and prepare for the seemingly long winter months ahead. It's a time to reflect and count blessings (one of my joyful past times ;) ) It's coming together. Like in a science experiment of molecules. The heat causes molecules to scatter and move apart, but as it cools the molecules start to come together. That is Fall. We are coming together after being moved apart by the heat. We know from biblical and current prophetic teachings that the earth and its seasons move in cycles, and it is the same of the Lord's work. The earth actually symbolically teaches us about His work. I believe that we are in the Fall season. He is speedily gathering those to him that will believe in Him and do his work. It is not a time to goof off, or be nonchalant. It is time to be passionate, get moving, choose a way to use your talents to bring others to the truthfulness of His gospel. This is my Fall tradition, working hard! Whether it is to put up decorations to help others enjoy the season, inviting others to activities to help them feel connected, baking cookies or meals for those that need an uplift or a little kindness, reaching out a little more, lengthening and strengthening my stride, all these things are helping me and those around me look forward and be prepared spiritually for our Saviors coming. I am so thankful for the time we do have to prepare.
"If ye are prepared ye shall not fear” (D&C 38:30).

Love letters

 

      My eldest son and I were at logger heads this past week, and knowing him and myself. I didn't want a conversation over his choices to disintegrate to a huge battle of ugly words. So I started praying. Some words of advice from another situation weeks earlier rang in my ears, "write a letter".
     I have in my possession some of the most beautiful love letters ever written (in my ever so humble opinion). Some of them are the simple, "I love you" with hearts from my children and the sweet drawings that accompany them that express what words do not. Some of them are from my husband, thanking me for things that I've done and expressing his love and gratitude for being blessed with me in his life. A recent one is a beautiful tribute penned by my step daughter for Mother's Day. I also have one given to me by a stake president many years ago expressing his admiration for my never give up attitude and the belief he had in me that I would be able to achieve my goals. Another one is from my brother, while on his mission, telling me how he looked up to me and admired me for the changes that I had made in my life, and the strength that I had as a single mother. I have some sweet ones penned from my younger sister and older sister as well. Offering me strength when I needed it. My father left all of us children with a loving letter of farewell and admonishment before he passed from this life. All of these letters have had a profound effect on me over the years, and helped me to believe in myself, strengthened me, and given me the love and courage that I've needed in the past. I occasionally still look back on them and read them gathering that love to me again and again.
     Back to my experience with my son. With those letters in mind I penned what I hope will be one of many love letters that he will cherish over the course of his life. How do I know that I was successful in listening to the spirit as I penned that letter? It is because the letter had the desired effect to draw him back to me in love. There was no accusation or anger in our ensuing conversation, but honesty, understanding, and love.
     I thank God for all of the people in my life that he has prompted to send me such encouraging, personal, and loving correspondence. And I thank God, for helping me express that love to my strong minded teenager in a way that would gather him to me instead of pushing him away. What an amazing effect written words of love can have on our lives. They give lasting power and spiritual strength to us in away that spoken word cannot, as our frail human minds have a tendency to forget. If we have any questions on that subject, we need look no further than the love letters of the scriptures of our Father in Heaven who has written to us of our divine worth and our potential lest we forget.




image found at: http://www.wozax.com/3810-cartoon-valentine-colouring-pages-printable-for-little-kids.php

Grateful for Chocolate!

I mean who isn't! You take one bite of that velvety rich bitter and sweet goodness and you know you've died and gone to heaven! But seriously, chocolate is responsible for so many blessings in my life. Well maybe not responsible, that's not a good way to put it. More like, it's been a connector. Last Christmas because everyone loves great chocolate desserts I started getting together with a friend occasionally to make yummy desserts and take them home to our families. She's not a super outgoing person, not an introvert mind you, but just not always looking for away to start a party like me, lol. Anyway, because of our mutual love for Nutella and chocolate it's given us a chance to be friends. Then we expanded to invite others and we are turning this love for chocolate into a way to cheer people up and socialize. Just hope we can keep it going with crazy in session school schedules and more people involved.
There are so many jokes about chocolate being the thing for ladies, and I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, but it's true we do love chocolate. It helps my husband and I bond when we find a kind of chocolate that we both agree is the balm. I just bought some Belgian truffles from Sams, (yes I have some left Mom. It's in bulk there remember?lol) and we, meaning me, are sharing it with everyone. This is so we don't kill our diets by over dosing. Can you believe that 4 are a serving size!?! Who made that rule? Anyways, I haven't gotten turned down yet. Chocolate helps bond people! I think I want John to do a study about that for his next science project. I think it would be a good study. I know there have been studies as to how it effects the pleasure centers of the brain, but it also is a bonding tool. Maybe because it has the same effect on so many people that it is almost a universal commonality, but whatever it is, I am grateful for God giving me taste buds to enjoy it, the gumption to invite others and bless others with that enjoyment of one of the sweets of life, and the physical fitness to work it off!
Have a sweet week everybody!

In Battle You want to Know that You are Part of a Well Oiled Machine

  

We went to see the USS Alabama and the submarine the USS Drum. While it was super hot, being the last week of August, I truly enjoyed climbing up and down those narrow stairs and exploring each nook and cranny

and imagining life aboard a military vessel during a war. There was a mess area and a place for doing laundry. A store for clothes and a store for gum, cigarettes and other things that might be considered treats for the men aboard the vessel. There were storage lockers for the men to keep a very small amount of personal items. I loved that they had a soda shoppe area with ice cream. There was a time out area to help the men cool off if they got into a fight (my kids loved that), and a brig for the really bad apples. I mean they really thought of everything when they put this ship together! They knew they would have to boost morale and help the men stay upbeat especially when it was hot. One thing our family has learned over the course of many summer vacations is that HEAT can cause tempers to flare in a second!  But the areas that really impressed me were the battle room, the contingency area for if they were hit, and the medical area. The battle room was just as impressive as any movie depiction that I'd ever seen. I could imagine the admiral and his commanding officers in there deciding their movements. The contingency area was right across the hall and from here they could quickly communicate with the officers and other crew members if they had taken on damage and who needed to be sent to fix the problem. The medical area was stocked even with an operating room and an area to quarantine. As I thought on how this huge ship had been so well thought out and had been successful in transporting so many men into battles and back home again coping with the everyday needs and special needs of it's mission, a comparison occurred to me.

The Lord has restored His church upon the earth as it was when He, Christ, established it upon the earth during his ministry. I know many people believe that they don't need church, and as long as they keep the commandments they don't need to go. So then why did Christ bother to restore it? Why do we need it? We have families, and that is essential to Heavenly Father's plan. So why do we need church? Here are my thoughts as to why.

God and our Savior knew that families were going to be under fire. Satan knows that they are integral parts of God's plan for us. So of course, in these latter days the heat is being turned up!!! What did I say about heat? That's right, tempers flare and sometimes as individuals we need support. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is set up to help each of us stretch and grow and to develop our teaching and leading and other skills that are essential for helping us get our families back to Heavenly Father. To prove faithful. Now is it possible that some families don't need it? Yeah probably. But someone else's family needs that family's example to help them keep their family on the straight and narrow. The funny thing is that the family that doesn't need it, is the family that will never say they don't. That's because they realize that each of us are spirit children of our Heavenly Father and part of our testing in this life is to see if we will do our part to help those that haven't received the message yet. We also need those awesome bishops just like in the contingency area of the ship. They help get things repaired and people to the right person to help with healing. Even if that might be just with them or to an addiction recovery meeting or a counselor. The church is always having activities for youth and members whether single or married to boost morale and help us  to build relationships, so we can learn from each other and enjoy one another.

I am so thankful that Heavenly Father gave us such a well oiled tool of machinery to help us be a community in these latter days. I hope that as a member that I can be more than efficient in the areas that I am called to serve.  I have personally benefited from being an active member and so has my family. I know that the organization of it is inspired and that it contains the keys of the priesthood that we need to get back to Heavenly Father.